A Break From Despair

Hello and welcome to this episode of true-life stories about how a little girl broke free from near depression.

I wasn’t the typical child who knew exactly what I wanted to be in the future. I loved cooking and baking, but in a Nigerian household, who would settle for being a chef with “all this intelligence” and “good grades”? I never even considered it an option. Instead, I went through the phase of wanting to be like the people around me to feel “normal.” My mom was a teacher, and my dad an accountant, and I was content with settling for either.

In JSS 1, a class where adolescents try to emulate the adults they see on TV shows, especially in an elite secondary school like mine, I was laughed at for not wanting to become a doctor, nurse, or lawyer. I had no desire to be that busy, so I came off as odd among my peers. How could a bright student not have a clear picture of her future? Guidance wasn’t the issue; my parents and teachers were supportive. But I felt like I was being pushed into becoming someone I wasn’t. I wanted to do something I really liked. However, my interests didn’t meet the “standards” elders laid out. I loved photography, drawing, cooking, and reading. I later developed an interest in writing but wasn’t confident enough to share my work. These interests didn’t seem to promise the billions or recognition expected of me, so I started considering architecture.

One fateful day, I developed an excruciating pain in my lower back and was diagnosed with scoliosis, which I call “twisted spine.” This ended my dream of becoming an architect, the one thing I had grown to love. But as they say, “But they plan, and Allah plans, and Allah is the Best of Planners.”

After some much-needed introspection, I considered my remaining options, researched the professions I’d been told would “suit” me, and prayed earnestly for Allah’s guidance. Between reading about my condition and treatments, going for therapy, and observing the white walls of the State House Clinic, I filled in PHARMACY on my JAMB form. After two sittings, I got admission to study pharmacy in my birth town, Sokoto.

Far from home, I began another interesting chapter of my life. By His divine decree, I pulled through. With my reserved nature, I had a hard time settling in and making friends with complete strangers who had different views and habits from what I was used to. This affected my performance. I couldn’t access important resources because I had no one to ask for help and mostly kept to myself. I felt out of place in a state where people held onto familiar faces.

My life in 200 level was one of the most difficult stages of my life. I struggled with feeling left out, the academic workload, and my health. I felt like a walking shell of myself. When I discovered I would have to graduate a year later than my set, it broke the last string holding me together. My course mates would leave me behind, and I’d have to start over with new faces and try harder to survive or risk getting kicked out. I started working on autopilot, became even more reserved, and lost too much weight. This garnered unnecessary attention. My now senior colleagues, some lecturers, and friends tried to help me, but I thought they were overreacting and that I had it under control until my family members did their best to snap me out of it.

Alhamdulillah, I picked myself up, brushed off the invisible dust weighing heavily on my shoulders, and prayed to Allah for His help and mercy. I am forever grateful for going through that phase because it brought amazing people into my life and, most importantly, brought me closer to Allah, providing a permanent fix.

I graduated after seven years of pharmacy school, thanks to strikes and my additional year. I couldn’t be more grateful to my Lord, my family, and my small circle.

The worst thing that can happen to a person is losing faith. Take it from someone who experienced the bitterness of being out of touch and re-experienced the sweetness of rekindling that feeling of connection. “Do not lose hope in the mercy of Allah.” Fully submit to Him, and He will make your life everything and more than you can ever dream of.